The Hague Online's 'Writer in Residence' Jo Parfitt is musing about . . .

Times of change: September column 2009

My eldest son is about to go off to university in just a couple of weeks and today I found myself talking to him about transition. Thirty years ago exactly, I too was heading off to university, packing my belongings into boxes for the loft and boxes to take with me. I too was going to a place where I knew not a soul. Back then I could feel nothing but excitement. Sam feels the same. But in the 30 years I have lived since I stood in his shoes I have lived in five countries, moved home, changed job, altered my lifestyle and experienced many more transitions still. I know that very often, the beginning of a posting is exciting and filled with possibility. I also know, that after a while, it could be a few weeks or months, very often, I have a period of feeling down, of missing the past, missing the people and the routine I left behind. And I also know that this time passes as I begin to accept the change and settle into a new routine. Those of you, who, like me, have moved abroad know that I am talking about the stages of culture shock. I realise that just as Sam is going to experience culture shock, so too am I, as I learn to adjust to having one less child in the house.

It is no surprise to me that last night I started a new journal, in which I plan to document transition from houseful to empty nest. As a writer, turning to a blank page is the way I have learned to make sense of my experiences. This time of year is a time when change is all around us. People move jobs, change countries or start new projects and children start new schools. Leaves change colour and spiral down from the trees. Berries appear, apples fall to the ground and there is a morning dew once again. Change is part of life. To me it is always an inspiration. It provides food for thought as those thoughts turn into words. Photographs are a great way of remembering times past, but I believe words are more powerful and can tell far more of the story than a one dimensional image.

If you are going through a transition of some kind, maybe you too would find it helpful to pick up the pen and write it all down? Only yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a divorce and learned that she has started to write about how she feels. I was delighted. Painful though it is, her timing is perfect.

Sometimes, when you are in the middle of a transition period you tell yourself that you don’t have time to write, or that you are too emotional, not thinking straight. But this is precisely why you should start to write right now, while the feelings are acute. Not only will your writing be powerful and raw, but it will be natural too. Otherwise, by the time the choppy period is past you will have forgotten much of what happened and how you really felt. I wrote about my wedding the very next day, sitting on the plane, on my way to Dubai to start my new life. And just as I wrote about the depth of my unhappiness when we moved to Norway, I also wrote about how much I loved the place once I had settled in. Just as you will have a hard time describing the variety of colours to found in a pile of autumn leaves when it is December and the trees are bare, you will find it hard to describe how you felt when you first arrived in your new, narrow, steep-staired Dutch home.

Autumn is typically the time of year to make jam, chutneys and preserves out of the fruits and vegetables that are plentiful right now. Maybe you should try to preserve your experiences too, while they are still fresh?

Jo Parfitt
www.joparfitt.com

Jo Parfitt runs workshops on writing your life story here in The Hague. They begin again in this month. Don’t miss her free taster session on 17th at the Expatriate Archive Centre www.xpatarchive.com.

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